Sam works retail. Personally, I hate retail. I hate the
hours and the lack of appreciation most large retailers have for their
employees; but, I digress (already). Due
to the fact that Sam works retail, his hours are always different and there is
no way to get into a routine (I thrive on routine). Accordingly, there are times when Sam and I
have a difficult time finding “private time”. So we are banging away the other morning,
minding our own business (and obviously each other’s), when we hear a large CRRAAAACK. We had broken the bed. Shit.
We both had really busy days to begin so we didn’t think a
whole lot of it and kind of forgot about it that day. That night, Sam got home late and came to bed
after I was already asleep.
Sam requires very little rest. He sleeps about 5-6 hours a night. I must at least 7 or I’m falling
asleep at my desk (and my eye-bags look like suitcases). So we are sleeping that
night and I wake up and it feels like we are slanting toward one side of the
bed. I had to roll up hill to get out of
it. Sam wakes up too and we realize that
we had forgotten to deal with the broken bed. I murmured something about no sex
in the morning due to the bed being broken and next thing I know, Sam is out of
bed with the lights on, assessing the damage: AT 4:30 IN THE FUCKING MORNING.
Two hours later, and we realize there is no fixing the bed
since one of the sideboards has a large crack in it and needs to be replaced.
Fortunately, I bought the extra insurance when I purchased the set a few years
ago. So I call the insurance company and they send me a 4 page
questionnaire to fill out, and one of the questions is as follows:
“Provide a detailed explanation
(at least one full paragraph long) of exactly where and how the problem
occurred for each affected items as well as a comprehensive description of the
actual event and exactly what caused the damage. Please be aware that we only will be able to
take further action on your service request when we get this information.” (Worded poorly, I agree.)
REALLY? Ok. You people
apparently don’t understand with whom you are dealing….
My response:
We were having sex (we hadn’t
even gotten to the crazy stuff yet), when the bed frame broke. It was
approximately 7:00 am, and he was on top and I was on the bottom in the
missionary position when we heard a large crack and felt the bed bump. We
stopped having sex to look at the frame and noticed a large crack along the
left frame of the bed. When we tried to
get it to go back together with the footboard, it wouldn’t go. So we had to stop having sex and it was very
inconvenient. Should you require further details, pictures reenacting the scene
can be provided.
In the meantime, Sam used gorilla glue to hold the bed frame
together. I hope that stuff is as good
as it claims....