Porn is in the Eye of the Beholder

I (along with apparently most red-blooded American women) recently finished the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by E.L. James.  Personally, I loved them.  Not because they are so well written that Ms. James is going to win any literary awards (although she could buy any award she wants); but because the subject of the books is sex with a little mystery pulling up the rear (heh heh heh).  I am not afraid to admit it: I love a good smutty book. The only problem with reading smut is the quantity in which I read it.  It must be taken in small doses in order to not walk around like I am in heat.  The other day, after a weekend of reading a particularly dirty book, I found myself practically panting at the elderly postman.  Clearly it was time to step away from the kindle. 

Anyway, I was in the nail salon last week and we were discussing the “Fifty Shades” books.  The majority of the ladies had read and enjoyed them but when the receptionist was asked if she had read them yet her response was, “I don’t read porn”.  I thought it a shame to be so closed minded about something so open to interpretation (she must be a lot of fun in bed) but more so, it made me think about the definition of porn.

I never really thought of the written word as porn.  I know the media has labeled this trilogy “mommy porn”, but they have to have a teaser title for everything:  “The Storm of the Century” (which apparently happens every year) and my recent favorite: “Snowmageddon”.  My friends and I have labeled a series of vampire smut books that we were reading as “vampire porn” but it was more a nickname as there are many books in the series.  I just always pictured porn as..…well..…pictures.

Being the open-minded sort (and having been around awhile) I am familiar with porn.  I have seen it in many different forms: videos, magazines, strip clubs, fetish, gay, straight, etc. While some of it did nothing for me and I couldn’t necessarily understand the appeal; who am I to judge what happens between two consenting (human) adults? Isn’t there a saying that goes “All’s fair in love and sex”? If there isn’t, there should be.

 It would seriously be a good mantra for most of the men out there that act like you are killing puppies if you even mention “male on male” anything (actually I think they would be more comfortable with the puppy-killing topic) but those same men get turned on by anything lesbian.  (Hello, Double Standard! How are you?) Just because YOU wouldn’t do it doesn’t make it wrong or disgusting or vomit-worthy (methinks thou doth protest too much).  Personally, I find a man that is secure enough in himself and his own sexuality to understand that sex is sex and it’s all good whether it’s something he would do or not, to be sexy as hell.

But back to the question at hand: what is porn? Is it anything that turns someone on? If that’s the case, I have a whole closet full of porn in many shapes and sizes to the shoe-fetish guy, not to mention a drawer full of porn to the lingerie lover. 

Does porn have to be graphic pictures of people getting it on or can it be a written story of people screwing? What about people screwing missionary style? Perhaps it’s the word choice that makes it pornographic? Is “the tip of his heat throbbed as he entered her slick, wet core” considered porn as opposed to “they made love”? (Wow. I nearly fell asleep just writing that last quote.)

Either way, I highly recommend the reading of smut to any woman that wants to spice up her sex life (or get one).  It is a well-known fact that men are visual creatures when it comes to sexuality and women are thinkers.  Accordingly, what’s the harm of visualizing your partner as the hot pirate dude from your latest dirty novel for a minute or two? Whatever it takes to get the job done if your sex life has gotten mundane, in my humble opinion.

I will say that I have not seen a penis- in person or in porn- as glorious as the one in my mind’s eye while reading it's description in a good smut book.  That could be a problem.

Thoughts on your definition of porn?

SPOILER ALERT

If you have NOT read the Shades of Grey trilogy but plan to: Stop Here.

Below are some quick comments on the books themselves and there might be a spoiler or two:

I was reading some reviews of this trilogy and ran across one from a man that described himself as “a retired gynecologist”. Apparently, with nothing but time on his hands, he chose to read some “Chick Lit” and in his review went into somewhat of a long-winded diatribe about how unrealistic Anastasia Steele’s first sexual experience was with Christian Grey.  NO SHIT. I don’t know about you, but my first time was NOTHING like Anastasia Steele’s first time.  In fact, I am not aware of any female on this planet that had multiple orgasms while having her cherry popped for the first time.  That’s why they call it FICTION.

On the other hand, what heterosexual female on this planet wouldn’t want to feel an actual physical spark with a sexy, rich guy upon your first meeting - and then have it be reciprocated?!? (“ Oh NO, hotter-than-hell rich guy with more money than God, I couldn’t possibly take a brand new car as a graduation present.” Right.)

What female wouldn’t melt for a guy that said with conviction (and not threat) “YOU are MINE”??

These books are the shit that dreams are made of!