And I Thought I Had Issues...

 So after the immense success of the free dating site, I decided that perhaps going with a site that required money might find better results (and literacy).

I had been the on the pay site for a short time when I met a local guy that seemed really cool.  He did not approach me in an overtly pushy way with an immediate need to get my number or go on a date.  Instead he started with something short and witty that had nothing to do with us dating.  I replied with something witty and back and forth we went for a while.  Smart guy.  He didn’t immediately try to saddle the wild mare and get kicked in the head for it.

After a few weeks of back and forth banter, a date was made. We met at a local restaurant just blocks away from my mother and sisters' homes (safety first!).  This is a huge first step for me. If you haven’t figured it out yet, it is my nature to be cynical as hell and I had no idea what was going to walk through the door. I am well aware that people can post pictures from 10 years ago (or someone else), but I was actually pleasantly surprised.  He was my age and appeared to be showered, he had teeth and no noticeable nose hairs, that kind of thing. 

The first hour of our date we got the basics out of the way and somehow found ourselves in a discussion about evolution.  I know, I know, my friends thought that was nuts too. In my own defense, anyone who knows me knows that I love deep conversation (among other things) with a well-armed opponent.  Somehow the topic came up and he made a quick comment in passing that he didn’t believe “that life came from a speck of dirt” and kept right on talking.

Wait a minute…wait a minute…WHAT??

Now, I don’t profess to know everything about everything. Ok. I kind of do, but not about the big things.  In my opinion, when it comes to deep concepts like religion, no one religion is better than another; none of them are right while others are wrong (except for the ones that want to hurt people). It’s the same with the big concepts such as evolution.  That being said, in order for me to give someone's opinion any credence at all, they had better be able to back it up.  So, while I actually believe in a combination of evolution and creation (something had to start the Big Bang); I had no problem that he didn’t believe in evolution.  But, I needed to know more. 

“Sooooo….,” I started my question, trying to choose my words carefully, “You believe that God put a man and a woman and all of the animals on the earth at pretty much at the same time?” 

“Yes,” he replied.

“What about the dinosaurs? Do you believe that man roamed the earth dodging the dinosaurs? When did the dinosaurs come into play? Why did all of the dinosaurs die and man didn’t? And while I agree with your statement that life doesn’t come from a speck of dirt, it’s been proven that with water, light, currents, etc., you can get life”, I retorted, firing questions one after another without waiting for his answers (out of the machine gun that is my brain). 

He just looked at me.  Uh-oh.

He quickly stated that he didn’t know how all of that happened or when, but he still doesn’t believe in evolution because you can’t get life from a speck of dirt.  Alrighty then.

I decided that a first date was probably not the best time to have this conversation and the date continued and ended pleasantly enough with us making plans to get together again.

A week or so later, we went out again, this time for a full-blown dinner.  It was the longest hour and ½ of my life. I was actually ready to run out the door before my dinner was served but I was starving, so I stayed.

Prior to even ordering, I found out that he is a raging homophobe (me thinks thou doth protest too much) who thinks that gay people are a product of environment and are not born that way.  I could not disagree more and I cannot tolerate people that cannot tolerate people.  My response to that was “What about the kids that are raised with no gay people in their lives? Did they eat too many Fruity Pebbles as a kid and that ‘gave them the gay’?”  (Sarcasm: my go-to anger response.)  Amazingly enough, he didn’t have an answer for that (are we seeing a pattern here?).

As we go to order dinner, it got much, much worse.  Like a gentleman, he tells me to order first.  I do so and then he orders something that I had not seen on the menu and that sounded much better than what I had ordered.  I suggested that I might change my order and he said adamantly, “You can’t.”  I looked at him with my head cocked to the side as a puppy might look at someone that is making a strange noise.

“I’m sorry?” I asked a bit surprised.

“It is a pet peeve of mine when people order what I am ordering at a restaurant”, he elaborated.

My head cocked more.

He continued, “If you had ordered what I was going to order, I would have changed my order. I let everyone order first so that I can order what no one else is having.”

“Oh! So you can share,” I said smiling, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

“Oh No! I don’t share,”   he replied. (Hello? Selfish much??)

My response was quick and succinct: “You do realize I will never order first again, don’t you?”  

(Excuse me, waitress, can you please tell the chef to hurry the hell up with my dinner??!!)

So at this point, I already know there will be NO third date with Rainman and it was just a matter of wolfing down my food and getting the hell out of there.  And then, we had this little conversation:

Me: “So, do you like animals?”

Him: “I like dogs, but I don’t like yours.”

Let me think..…how do I put this kindly?   FUCK. YOU.  

Not only had he never met my dog, he assumed, (wrongly) based on a picture (in which she was NOT sitting on oversize chair) that she was a small dog.  She is a 60lb. dog!

CHECK PLEASE!!!

Amazingly enough he had no clue that he was DTM (Dead to Me) and was talking about what we might do on our third date.  I have an idea.  Let’s go to a pig flying competition.