I Am What I Am

 I have decided to take a break from my dating stories (though I have an awesome one to tell you) to talk about the subject of morals.

I have none.  The end.

Yes, I am just kidding but it has been brought to my attention recently by a concerned friend that this blog can possibly be making me look bad (i.e., a trampy).  My mother expressed concern recently too that I might regret writing this blog someday when I am a grandmother (coming from the woman who asked if 17 was too young to buy her granddaughter a vibrator).  The funny thing is anyone who knows me knows I have never pretended to be anyone other than exactly who I am. 

When I was in high school, I was very against being labeled in one particular crowd. Each day I would wear a different outfit that put me a different group.  I would wear docksiders and an Izod T-shirt one day like a “preppy”, ripped jeans with bandannas wrapped around my leg the next day like a stoner (we called them “heads” back then).  The next day I would wear a football jersey and sneakers like a jock and after that a lime green mini skirt and safety pins in my ears like a punk rocker and so on.  I really didn’t care what people thought about me as long as I wasn’t labeled a conformist.  Not much has changed. 

 Guess what? I have had sex.  Have I had a lot of sex? As I know better than to talk about numbers, let’s just say it’s somewhere between Mother Teresa and Gene Simmons.  Of course, society has been saying for hundreds of years that when a guy has multiple sex partners he is virile - a rock star, if you will. When a woman does it, she is a slut. Even in the Bible men have multiple wives (rock on, Noah!) while women were to be subservient.  Ummmm…screw that.

This is 21^st century. Is it still the case that women are to be there to serve their men and are not to enjoy sex?  I don’t think so (but this is my argument so I might be a little biased…and happy).

Today's media is full of women that enjoy sex without necessarily being in a committed relationship, and many of these women are strong and intelligent with powerful jobs.   Take for example, two of the women from the popular show Sex in the City: Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha Jones.  Carrie, the endless romantic, had lots of sex but all in the name of finding true love.  Samantha had lots of sex, all in the name of having lots of sex.  Is one reason better than the other for having lots of sex? I don’t think so.

Moreover, many medical studies indicate that having more sex makes you live longer: 

“Sex not only helps by keeping close human contact in your life, it may even add 3-8 years to your life. While not a great deal of research has been done among older adults, it seems that people who have frequent orgasms do, in fact, live longer. This makes some sense -- an orgasm releases chemicals in your body that cause relaxation and pleasure. These chemicals, if released often enough, may counteract the negative effects of stress.” - Mark Stibich, Ph.D

I don’t know how you feel about it but what is the point of having sex if you don’t enjoy it?  If you do enjoy it, why would you not want more?

 It’s kind of like a massage (and for the purpose of this example, not the “happy-ending” kind).  If you get a massage and it hurts and it is terrible, you will probably not get another.  But, if you get one and it feels terrific and you are happy and relaxed afterward, you would be an idiot not to get another…and another….and another….

Back in the day, I used to liken myself to a big game hunter.  I may have been promiscuous but I was also very selective.  It was a challenge to see if I could get the sexy lead singer of the band, the hot DJ that had all of the girls watching him or the adorably shy bartender (apparently, I used to be very competitive).  Did I make men buy me expensive meals, jewels, gifts, etc.? Hell no. I actually prefer sex before dinner.  Who wants to have sex when they are all full and bloated? Personally, I have found that food tastes better after sex.

My sister used to say that I usually ended up falling in love with the broke musician or poet that I would allow to move in and ended up supporting him for a while.  This was actually very true.

All of that being said, I do have my boundaries.  I have never been with (nor wanted to be with) a married man (that I know of) and I do not date men already involved in a relationship.  I am not judging anyone that has; it’s just not for me (it doesn’t help the trust issues).   I would also like to note that I never cheated on my husband for the 5 minutes that we were married.  Another plus is that I very rarely lie. Mostly because my memory sucks and I can’t remember what I said; but it keeps me honest.  

The last topic I would like to cover in this particular blog is that someone recently asked me how I can write a blog about dating and sex when I have an 18 year old daughter?  Fortunately for me, my daughter is NOTHING like me.  She is somewhat of a prude in that she is very private about private things, she never swears (can you fucking believe that??) and she has had the same boyfriend for 2 years.  She also has no desire whatsoever to read my blog and I have no desire for her to read it. So, we’re good.

Essentially the bottom line is this, in the eternal words of Popeye:  I am what I am. And I couldn’t be happier about that. This blog was created to make people laugh and to share some of my adventurous, nutty dating stories with you.  If you find me shocking and over the top, all the better because remember, my grandkids will think I’m a rock star that will clearly live forever.