My First Attempt at Online Dating

I will admit my first attempt at online dating was rather half-assed.  I put together a quick profile on a free site with no picture of myself and waited to see what happened next.  I was amazed at how many motorcycle riding (not that there is anything wrong with that), hunting, fishing and camping guys there are out there, apparently looking for the woman of their dreams that will put on them sexy fishin’ waders  and hook her a Big One.        Ummmm..NO.

Very quickly after my first half-assed attempt, I changed my profile to the following:

“I love to laugh and make people laugh. I enjoy casual and/or deep conversations with intelligent, open-minded people. I enjoy spending time with my friends and family. I have been out of the dating scene for quite some time raising my daughter. Now that she is nearly an adult, it's time to get back out there. I am not into games and pretty much tell it like it is.

I love to travel and see new places but am not into camping (indoor plumbing and hair dryer required). I do not ride a motorcycle but I don't mind if you do. I am very independent and I am not looking for someone to "take care of me". I am financially secure and responsible and I typically do not take kindly to being told what to do. In other words, I am looking for someone to enhance my life, not run it.”

What I found after spending so much time writing and rewriting, getting the wording just right is that very few men actually read the profile.  I thought perhaps key words such as “deep conversations” and “intelligent” would cull the idiot herd.  Apparently not.  One might as well write their profile in Elvish. Men are visual creatures. They see a picture and respond.  I received emails from men in Florida and Colorado wanting me to camp and hunt with them so either they did not read my profile, or they thought they could change me for love.  Sorry fellas. I own real estate and therefore do not need to use the woods as my own personal bathroom.  

 Following the advice of the website, I added pictures to “increase your emails”.  Awesome.   I did find out that online dating pretty much requires quitting your day job- or at the very least taking a sabbatical- to keep up.  

In the beginning, I felt obligated to respond to everyone.  I felt that since they had taken the time to write to me, it would be rude of me not to respond.  But I just couldn’t keep up.  I even wrote a rejection letter that I kept in my computer so I could cut and paste to save time:

 “Thank you for your interest in my profile. In reading your profile, I feel that we are not compatible.  Good luck in your search. I sincerely hope you find that what you are looking for.”

Some of them accepted this graciously, thanked me and wished me well.  Others would argue with me about it, “What do you mean we aren’t compatible?” or “what did you see that makes you think we aren’t compatible?” I did not see the need to respond further with the fact that they were too old, too heavy, too creepy, too illiterate, too whatever.  But after a while even the cutting and pasting became too time-consuming and I am sorry to say, I just didn’t respond at all.  Obviously I still feel guilty about that but I have to keep my job so I can keep my real estate so I don’t have to pee in the woods. 

 One more thing I learned is that some men simply throw shit up against the wall to see what sticks. Much like my pre-written rejection letter, I think they had a pre-written introduction (and I use that term loosely) that they would cut and paste onto an email and send to every new woman that signed up that week.  I only realized this after I would get the same email from the same guys saying the same thing three days in a row.

Apparently many of them took the sabbatical idea to heart. 

Tomorrow: the story of Vern.