Dating and Monogamy

The other day I was watching “Millionaire Matchmaker” on T.V.  I have to say, I love that girl.  The show itself seems rather contrived.  I mean seriously, how many single millionaires can there be out there?  There’s a recession going on! But, I enjoy the Matchmaker, Patti.  She is not intimidated by the millionaires in the least and is part psychologist, part life coach, part bitch.  She doesn’t take crap from anyone and is brutally blunt but smiles the entire time she is telling the poor sap what an idiot he is.  Where do I sign up? Not for the dating portion of the show, as I find that men with copious amounts of money usually want a woman that will keep her mouth shut (sooooo not me).  I want to be the Matchmaker. One might question my ability to be a good Matchmaker in a “Doctor, heal thyself” kind of way but I really want to boss millionaires around for a living (Patti, email me!).

Anyway, I was watching the show and Patti’s mantra is “NO sex before monogamy”. It’s an interesting concept.   Maybe I should try it.  Or maybe not.

As I am big on the “pros and cons” lists, let’s make a list and see where it gets us. Alrighty.

Pros:

1.       Men want what they can’t have. I would assume this is even more the case when talking about spoiled millionaires that can pretty much buy whatever they want when they want it. 

2.       A girl might get to do fun things that she wouldn’t typically do on dates such as helicopter rides, dining in castles, etc. prior to giving “it” up (i.e., why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?).  I can guarantee you this isn’t going to last long.  If a guy flies you to Miami for an authentic Cuban dinner, he is going to expect something in return. I’m thinking you would be lucky to get three awesome dates out of the deal before he expects you to pour him a glass of milk.  Ya know what I mean?

3.       ……    3……    3……. Yep. That’s all I got.

Cons:

1.       Who hasn’t heard the old saying that you wouldn’t purchase a car without test driving it first? An oldie but a goodie.

2.       When does monogamy actually happen? What I mean is, is it when he puts a ring on it? Is it the wedding night? Or is it when he outwardly says “Yep! We are monogamous, now let’s get to the bedroom!” Because if that is the case, I have been monogamous many times in my life.  For that night that we were together, I was all his (whoever he was).

3.       Deal breakers.  This is a huge category. It covers everything from excess body hair to fetishes.  How fair is it to either of you if you allow the (sexless) relationship to proceed for a long period of time, fall in love (or deep like) and then he wants to suck your eyebrows off in the heat of passion?

 It reminds me of a guy I dated for short period of time that my friends and I nicknamed Musk.  Musk and I had quite a few dates prior to my offering him a “glass of milk”.  I noticed the odor immediately but thought perhaps it has been a long, hot day so I let it slide (so to speak).  Unfortunately, this was not the case.  The next time was directly out of the shower and Musk remained….well...…musky.  Deal breaker.  But herein lies the problem.  We had been getting along fine so the fact that I now needed to end it with Musk (or wear a clothespin on my nose) is clearly based on sex and Musk is going to get his feelings hurt.  Everything was great and then we had sex and then I kicked him to the curb.  Had we had sex from the beginning, I could have used any other excuse and not hurt Musk’s ego. I could have said I decided to be in a relationship with a guy I had been casually dating for a while. I could have said I was drunk, that I don’t remember a thing and that I am not that kind of girl. If I saw him out somewhere I could have told him I had lost my cell phone the very next day after our tryst and in the meantime had decided to devote my life to God and I couldn't possibly see him again.  But now, Musk knows that I think the sex sucks and that is why I don’t want to see him anymore.  That seems terribly mean. 

Private note to men:  hair holds odor.  Why do you think women shave their armpits?  Much like you do not want to see a 1970’s bush, neither do we.  I little “manscaping” goes a long way.  

Who says I wouldn’t make an awesome Matchmaker?

Coming soon: Monogamy Part II