“Hello my name is Vern and i think your pretty!!! Are you interested in talking and than maybe meeting. If we happen to meet and click ? there is a bike rally this summer June 23,24th,25th,26th Slippery Rock, PA 16057 at coopers lake i'll pay your way if you will be my date for the weekend just have a good time if it leads into more that's ok to . i will treat you the very BEST!!!!!!! would you like to go??? I hope to be hearing back from you thanks. Vern”
No, seriously. Read that again. Go ahead. I’ll wait….
Where to begin….where to begin….
Ok, let’s begin with the zip code. Why exactly would I need the zip code?
Next question: Who hates their child so much that they name them Vern? That’s just mean!
Another question: What is the name Vern short for? Vernon? Vernando? Vernacular? At least Vernacular sounds intelligent.
Why did he take such a subtle approach? Don’t be shy, Vern. Speak up.
Imagine moaning his name in the throes of passion “Vern, Oh! Vern! Yes, Vern!” I don’t think so.
And don’t even get me started on his lack of writing skills…
Typically I won’t deviate from the dating topic -much- but in this case, I feel compelled to perform a public service message (as I am nothing if not charitable):
Really though, you should probably go with something normal like Bob (hey, it’s a palindrome! That’s kinda cool) or Tom or Steve. Or if you are into being exotic (and what Vern isn’t, really?), try Alejandro or Fernandez. You get the idea.
Now back to the blog:
That day I removed my profile from public view.
It automatically makes me think of Green's ice cream...Know what I mean, Vern?
ReplyDeleteSo the question becomes....did you go to the bike rally in Slippery Rock, PA 16057?
ReplyDeleteAh, the Lazy Finger Disease...Defined:
ReplyDeleteThe lack of brain capacity to provide the appropriate synapse firing in order to create movement in the digits attached to the end of the palms that have been taught, in 10th grade, which finger to appropriately strike to create a letter and/or punctuation to form the appropriate word and/or sentence that has been taught to you, hint: the English language, since birth. Who hasn't learned that every sentence starts with a capital letter. They don't tell you that "once" for you to use the excuse, I was sick that day. My favorite...alot! It's supposed to be(I love suppose to be. UGH) two words and as far as I have researched it has never been one...ever. i in lower case can't possibly look right to anyone. In the beginning of a sentence or in the middle or end...that just isn't right. Let's go to two words that are put together and hyphenated to create one. "Your" pretty? My pretty what? What's pretty? Oh, you mean you are pretty so it should be you're pretty. Holy crap I could go on for days. If I learned it in school, everyone learned it in school...my concentration was non existent and sometimes still is. I'm amazed I'm getting through my thoughts now.
Hey Vern! You treat things well and things can be the best but you never treat things best.
Are you absolutely sure he was an American?
I agree with all the comments regarding his command of the English language, although I would caution that it is typical for people who do not really care how well they may communicate. It certainly does not make a great first impression and shouldn't that be the real gist of what you are trying to do in an introductory message. That being said, I am more amazed at how quickly he moves this "hopeful" relationship along. The invitation to an all expenses paid bike rally (poorly veiled in a "no strings attached" reference that immediately turns around and indictates some that if some strings pop up that would be OK too. You would have to truly be naive to buy that.) should come AFTER there has been some positive response from the solicited person. It read like, "Hi, I am Vern. You are pretty. We should talk, meet, and spend four days together at a bike rally this coming week."
ReplyDelete