Dating and Sarcasm

I am sure this is hard to believe but I have been called a smart-ass pretty much all of my life. I can remember my father calling me a smart-ass when I was a very young age and while I knew better than to retort in kind, my response was: “it’s better than being a dumb-butt.”  

Being born the youngest of four by many years, I spent a great deal of time alone as a kid.  My 10 and 11 year old siblings didn’t want a pesky 5 year old around bugging them (and I don't blame them NOW), so entertaining myself was imperative to pass the boring hours and I was forever making myself laugh.  My mother used to tell me that if given a mirror, I could entertain myself for hours.  That was pretty accurate but not in an “I am so beautiful” way. It was to make funny faces and do or say funny things to crack myself up.

My friends will probably tell you that not much has changed.  My brain has always spoken to me in sarcasm and I find it incredibly difficult to stop…or sensor.  Sarcasm is my go-to defense mechanism whether I am happy, sad, irate, whatever. I very rarely cry and usually end up laughing maniacally at things that would piss most people off.  Chuckling to myself in a crowd is not unheard of thus perpetuating the “that chick is nuts” persona that I have eventually learned to embrace. I have also determined over the years that my joking and sarcasm make people either like me or hate me; there is typically no gray area there. I have learned to embrace that too.  I have never been the kind of girl that needs a million friends around or needs everyone to like her.  A few close friends that know me and love me and I’m good.  To the rest, screw ‘em if they can’t take a joke.

I will admit that in times of extreme disagreement my sarcasm must make me very difficult with which to argue. The one-liners come out like tears at a funeral infuriating my opponent and amusing the hell out of me. Yes. I am well aware that is one for the shrink.

On a side note, God apparently has a great sense of humor too as I gave birth to a kid that not only didn’t get sarcasm most of the time, she hates it.  You’re a funny, funny, God. Very funny.

So, needless to say, when logging onto the dating site, if you come at me the wrong way, you are going to get it back.  For example, one guy wrote me an email that stated the following:

“You seem like a nice girl, what’s the catch?”

My reply: “I am a whore.”

I seriously chuckled about that one for hours.

Another guy wrote: “Is it me or are your boobs massive?”

My response: “They are massive, they are glorious and unfortunately, you will never see them.”  

I mean, seriously? That was his pick-up line? Way to woo a girl, Idiot.  Of course, both men came back for more abuse but I didn’t respond from there. 

Sometimes in life a one-liner is all you need.