Penes Are Not Pretty

Personally, I don’t believe in regrets.  I look back on my life and believe that the majority of it has been pretty damn awesome and from the stuff that wasn’t; I have learned valuable lessons.  The problem is I can’t leave well enough alone.  I have the hardest time leaving the past in the past and not contacting people with whom I used to be friends or lovers.  In the past 6 months, I have come in contact with two ex-boyfriends.  One was my fault and the other wasn’t.

The first was a guy I dated hot and heavy on and off when I was living in south Florida.  We kept in touch for a number of years afterward but hadn’t spoken in over 10 years.  I had looked for him on Facebook for years and then about 6 months ago, there he was.  I sent him a friend request, so excited that my years of persistence had paid off.  He accepted my friend request and responded back with a message that seemed as happy to find me as I he.   Everything pretty much went downhill from there.    

We exchanged cell phone numbers so he could call me later and he did.  Did he ask me how I have been for the past 10 years? How my daughter is doing as she was then a child and is now an adult? Did he ask how my parents were doing? Nope.  All he wanted to do was talk about sex.  Here we were 10 minutes into the “conversation” and I am trying to ask him if his parents are still alive and well and he is asking me if I remember our various sexcapades in miniscule detail.  I was really annoyed. I let him have it about his obvious lack of interest in my life and ended the conversation. Shortly thereafter he started texting me pictures of his dick.

The second guy I ran into while out at a club.  Our short relationship had not ended well because after a few dates, I started receiving texts from a girl that claimed to be his wife.  Wanting nothing to do with that I ended it.  When I recently ran into him he asked me for my number to keep in touch.  We were in a really loud club and I was with friends so I decided I would give him my number and deal with getting rid of him later. He texted me and texted me for a date.  While I felt that I was very clear that I would not date him again; he wouldn’t seem to get it.  He asked me to meet him for a drink and I agreed figuring that I could be much more clear about my position (or lack thereof) in person.  We met at a local bar and I was succinct in telling him that it was never going to happen and stated that we had always a good time together and could remain friends.  His response was, “I have enough friends.”  Alrighty then.  Decision made.  I thanked him for the drink, excused myself and went home.  And then he texted me a picture of dick.

Penises are not pretty.  Don’t get me wrong, they are definitely functional and I enjoy them but they are not really the most attractive things in the world.  Does a guy really believe that a picture of his johnson is going to make me forget all of the negative feelings I have for him and make me scream “OH MY GOD, I *MUST* HAVE THAT!!”??  Wow.  Some guys are really dumb.

Perhaps if he wrapped a flower around it or put it into a little penis tuxedo (hopefully not too little) before he took a picture of it that might be ok. It wouldn't make me change my mind but it might make the penis more attractive.  Maybe.  Perhaps if it’s lying on a bed of colorful feathers; or better yet dipped in chocolate?  I’m not really sure  any of that would help; I’m just throwing stuff out there.   

Granted, there are famous penises out there that we have all know and love.  That doesn’t make them attractive, it just makes then famous.  Take for example Michelangelo’s David with his little twig and berries out there for all to admire. Yes, it does look like he just came out of a cold pool to pose for that; but it’s considered art so that’s ok. That being said, please keep in mind that taking a picture of your schlong and texting it to someone is not considered art (in any medium).

 Even vibrator companies know that a penis is not attractive.  That’s why they make them in pretty colors and give them cute little animal names like “The Rabbit”, “The Dolphin” or “The Butterfly”.  

Although I am willing to concede that giving a real penis various vibratory speeds would help to make it more attractive in general.

Opinions please?