I am in a quandary. This doesn’t happen very often as I am a
relatively decisive person. Maybe you
guys can help me out?
A few weeks back, I met a guy while working. We seemed to hit it off pretty well during
the appointment and I thought there might be a connection there. He is good looking, has a beautiful, clean
home and he has a dog that he treats like a king (I like that in a guy). During the appointment, we talked about relatively
personal stuff. He informed me that he
had been married and his wife cheated on him two years ago and moved out. He kept the house and in his spare time had
added a sunroom, a pool house and a large covered patio – with his own two
hands. He said he builds things to
relax. (I like that in a guy too because
(1) he is obviously good with his hands and (2) I require a relatively large
amount of solitude and when I feel the need to be alone, I can say “You should
go build something. Like a vanity or an armoire. You know, for ME.”).
During the appointment he was relatively complimentary (at
one point he turned to me and said “You’re pretty smart.” Yes. Yes I am and you must be pretty smart
for seeing that). Between the compliments
and telling me that his wife was gone, I assumed that he was interested. I also found out we have mutual friends,
another bonus.
The rules of my career are clear that there is to be no “impropriety,” perceived or otherwise, so I needed to complete my work for him prior to
pursuing anything on a personal level (See?!? I am NOT a hooker), but I was
pretty intrigued by this guy. So I went
home and thought of professional question to text him. I did and a texting conversation
ensued. More Hmmmm.
I completed my work in about a week and texted him to let
him know that I was done. Another rather long texting conversation ensued in
which he complimented my hair (which IS awesome, by the way). “Ok” I thought, “this guy MUST be interested.” He told me to contact him again after by
upcoming trip and so I did. This is where
things get….confusing.
So he calls me and invites me to a professional baseball
game on a Sunday. “Oh, sorry, that’s my
church day.” Hahahahaha. By now
you all know that I don’t care for sports much but to prove it my ex-husband
and I went to a professional ballgame many years ago and I was so bored I made
him leave in the middle of the game. I
couldn’t even drink my way into fun with that.
The problem for me with baseball is the downtime. The time spent between the plays is way too
long; just get up there and hit the fucking ball. You do not need to walk in a circle, hit the
ground with your bat, adjust you balls and spit for 5 minutes prior to settling
into your position to hit the fucking ball.
Why don’t you do that before you get up to bat so as not to waste my
time?
Anyway, I told him I wasn’t really into baseball and that I
would have to pass on the game. (Let me
just stop here and say that there are probably women out there that would have
gone to the game, if only to spend time with this guy. Those women don’t really like sports either, but
would pretend to in order to get with a guy.
Those women are stupid. I will
never pretend to be someone I’m not to get a guy to like me. What if you two hit it off? You are now stuck going to ballgames together
or you would need to “come clean” and tell him the truth, at which point he
would feel duped. The whole thing is a bad
idea.)
O.K., back to our conversation: after some more discussion about sports he states
that he is pretty active in outdoorsy-type activities, kayaking, snowboarding
and the like. I would definitely try the
kayaking (down a nice lazy creek, not that “white-water-hit-your-head-on-a-rock-and-die”
kind) but I don’t do winter sports. HOWEVER
as a compromise, I AM willing to get dressed in the cute little ski-bunny outfit
and wait for you by the bar in the chalet.
(See?? I can be flexible!) He
then asks me what I do for fun. Let’s
see….screw, write a funny blog, screw, read, screw… No seriously, my mind
starts racing trying to think of something active that I do. I couldn’t think of one thing. I certainly couldn’t answer with “I’m pretty
much a sedentary slug,” so I came up with dancing which I am trying to get back
into by learning country line dancing (mostly because no one wants to see a 40-something
woman hip hopping). He said he feels the
same way about line dancing as I do about baseball but that “the other two women I date
both do that”. Wait, what?
NOW the conversation is starting to get good. I asked for further clarification of that
statement and he stated that when his wife cheated and left- last summer- his
friends set him up with different women, two of whom he currently dates. For some reason I was under the impression
that his divorce was two years ago (a good long time to get over THAT fucked-up
situation) but came to find out it was last summer. It’s a little close to my time frame of “one
year after a divorce” that I will date a guy, but I might be able to get past
that. Boning two chicks and wanting to
be thrown into the mix? Not so sure about that one. Herein lays my quandary:
1.
I don’t do competition well. It’s one of the reasons I don’t date married
men. How do I know that he isn’t thinking
of one of the other ones while we are going at it? I mean, with three of us it would
have to get confusing after a while.
2.
It’s not like I am looking for a serious
committed relationship. Or maybe I am. I
don’t know. As I’ve stated before, I
have no intention of getting married again.
I am emotionally and financially secure (OK, financially anyway) and I’m
not looking for someone to “take care of me” or anything like that. Furthermore,
when things start getting really serious, I’ve been known to get scared and
run. So why should I have a problem with
someone dating two other chicks along with me?
3.
Maybe it’s a control issue? If I am the only
one, I have the control. If there are 3
of us (this is starting to sound more and more like “Sister Wives”), and I have
an upcoming event that I want him to attend with me; do I need to schedule it 4
months in advance to know that I get that date? I’m not a great turn-taker. I want what I want
and I want it now.
4.
Maybe it’s more of a time issue. He stated that
one of them is “quite young” (what the fuck does that mean?? Great. Now I have
to compete with a 25 year old??), and she lives south and comes up for entire weekends
to hang out. I think I’d like someone that has more time than once a month but
less than 5 times per week. (See?? I don’t know what the hell I want.)
5.
I do like his honesty. No punches pulled; just straight-out
lay-it-on-the-line honesty. Refreshing.
6.
He gives MASSAGES.
7.
He builds shit.
Like with hammers and saws and wood.
8.
He is incredibly busy. Besides his full time job
and dating, he volunteers with many organizations: from music to teaching
winter sports to cleaning up highways for his
company. Volunteering is admirable. Picking up used condoms and heroine needles
from the side of a road is gross.
9.
He gives MASSAGES.
10.
It’s almost a challenge to show him my bag of
tricks and see if he kicks the other two to the curb. If he does, I win. But then what? I end up
coming up with some stupid excuse to break it off and he’s alone again? Maybe I won't this time? And what if he doesn’t kick them to the curb? It
would be a massive blow to my ego. I don’t
enjoy massive blows to my ego. They piss
me off.
Yes, I am over-thinking as usual. It’s what I do.
So I’m turning the tables on you guys this week. Usually it is I giving the advice (for lack of a better term). This week it is me with the question: Should I go on a date with this guy and see what happens or should I just move on (move on to WHAT? I have no idea.)
