Living in a virtual world

The websites to which I subscribe offer various ways of contacting people with whom one may have potential interest.  The free site offers virtual gifts that you can “give” to someone. You receive so many credits a month for your virtual objects of affection and, if you are really stupid and you do not spend your fake money wisely, you can purchase more credits (with REAL money) for more virtual gifts.  Yep.  You just spent money on absolutely nothing.  Good job!

So I am on the free site checking my emails (and looking for fodder for my blog), and this guy sends me a virtual teddy bear.  I must tell you it is more than a little awkward to receive a romantic gift from a complete stranger, and more than a little creepy.  I thanked him graciously and stated my lack of interest based on his profile (ok, it was really based on his looks and that fact that he was so little I could put him in my pocket, but I am not so mean as to tell him so….or he just got me on a good day, one or the other).  Having kindly explained my lack of interest, I figured that was the end of it. Apparently, I figured wrong.  A few days later there is the stupid teddy bear picture in my email.  Same teddy bear, same guy.  So either this guy has a memory worse than mine or he is a complete glutton for punishment.   It was then that I decided they needed to take the virtual thing a step further. 

If they are going to allow people to send virtual gifts, then they need to go all the way with it.  Personally, I’d like to see the following: a virtual middle finger (I’d have sent that to the “boob guy”).  Then if they continue to write, I could send them a virtual kick-in-the-nuts.  A virtual back-turning would be helpful too, to let someone know I am not interested before he even makes contact.  To be honest, I’d probably even pay money for those.

The paid-for dating site is a little better.  You send a virtual wink if you are interested in somebody but don’t necessarily have the balls to make direct contact (I’d like to send them a virtual pair of balls).  After the wink, you go directly to the contact.  In my opinion they should make it a little more bar-like.  First a wink, then a virtual smile, some virtual eye contact, a virtual wave and then a virtual lifting of your drink in a “cheers” type of way. You could do a little virtual moving around the room to be sure that the virtual eye contact is really aimed at you and then go in for the kill.  Doesn’t that sound romantic??

 It makes me wonder what the other dating sites have to offer in regard to the first move? I imagine it goes something like this:

The Christian dating site:  a virtual prayer.

The Filipino/Russian dating sites:  a virtual green card.

The S & M dating sites:  a virtual spanking. 

The elderly dating site:  a virtual walker

The gay men’s site: a virtual grooming kit.

The swinger’s site: a virtual wife-swap.

The foot fetish site:  a virtual corn remover.

If anyone out there knows what the other sites have to offer, I am dying to know!

I am still waiting for the virtual hand job, blow job, etc. to give to people when you REALLY like someone. The slogan for that could be "no muss, no fuss.”

On the converse side, the virtual screw doesn’t matter to me.  I do that all the time.