Strange Introductions

I know I haven’t written a blog in a while. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks which included a trip to a college in Oklahoma (more on that later, but I did learn that cowboys can be cute!). Just so you all know, I think of you often and dream of the day when I win the lottery and can stay home and write all day.  In the meantime, I will leave you with these introductions I received from a few guys on the dating sites (as always, copied verbatim):

 Apparently, this guy likes blue:

Love the BLUE Finger nail polish in photo 4 . Please dont get me wrong here , your very attractive ... but I like the Blue . Been out with some boring people from this Site . So tired of misrepresentations from people . Im not a Gem , but I am respectful and very good people . I guess I figure I dont misrepresent myself ... why should you . 3 meetings in the past 2 weeks . Nice people but just not anything like the presentation . As to the blue .... The most captivating things I find in a woman I approach . ...Eye contact , shape of mouth , and Hands . I love seeing a woman carry herself strongly and eye contact spells that clearly . The mouth , better said her lips ..her smile Great Stuff .. And her hands say alot about how she tends to herself and her expressions of herself . Dont care for nail biters AND Blue , my favorite color . Regardless if you ever write back ( and obviously Id like that ) Your beautiful , your profile was very nice and seemed genuine , and it would be my pleasure to get to know you .

Another one:

I was told once that you should never "need" another person in your life to be happy. That may be true. But there are moments in life meant to be shared with a special person with whom you can communicate without talking; a person whose touch chases away dark clouds of gloom and brings sunshine when the sun is not shining. I want to share simple things like coffee at the kitchen table on a Saturday morning when there is no place you need to go. To prepare meals together and talk and laugh and drink good red wine while you do it. Someone to collapse with on the sofa when the last guest at a party that we will all remember fondly has left. Do you like the smell of wood smoke in the fall when the leaves are changing color? How about the feel of a warm spring breeze on your bare arms after a long winter? Or the chemical reaction when summer sunshine plays on your body? Let's stop and experience these things together. Call me sensuous.   (I will call you sensuous or gay, one or the other – Gina)

And another:

I have blonde hair , deep green eyes, [Im not related to Freddy] 165 lbs and full of pressure, So im told..... I m easy get along with , very understanding, Love the outdoors and different types of music but mostly country. I Like motorcyclen,4x4s, Mustangss, long peaceful walks, bicyclen, Mines, caves, Of course the Juniata river and Raystownlake, amusementparks and all that good stuff. Always willn try new things. I ma hard workn man, Very affectionate! I live alone in my own house, My match: some one honest and careing , not afraid to be themself , down to earth and affectionate, Petite

Ok. That one just confuses me:

1. Is he signing his name as Petite?
2. I assume Freddy is someone from a movie that I have never seen. 
3.The fact that he is “full of pressure” doesn’t sound good in any way.
4. Mines collapse, Idiot. Look it up. (Oh, and speaking of looking things up…SPELLCHECK.)

And this last one had a picture of the guy holding a fencing sword toward the camera:

Looking to meet new people. No expectations, just a chance to get to know each other. Life is a journey and everyone we meet opens a world of possiblities. It is interesting to see the world through the eyes of someone else. I try not to have a plan and take each moment as it comes. If life is a ride, you might as well drive it like you stole it. True wealth is the experiences we have and the people we love. These are the treasures we carry inside. Let's enrich one another.    

It’s like he had a book of clichés and picked some out, mixed them in with some others and went with it.  At least he can (mostly) spell and punctuate.

Unfortunately, that’s it for now.  To my faithful followers, thanks for reading!

Hugs,

Gina

Penes Are Not Pretty

Personally, I don’t believe in regrets.  I look back on my life and believe that the majority of it has been pretty damn awesome and from the stuff that wasn’t; I have learned valuable lessons.  The problem is I can’t leave well enough alone.  I have the hardest time leaving the past in the past and not contacting people with whom I used to be friends or lovers.  In the past 6 months, I have come in contact with two ex-boyfriends.  One was my fault and the other wasn’t.

The first was a guy I dated hot and heavy on and off when I was living in south Florida.  We kept in touch for a number of years afterward but hadn’t spoken in over 10 years.  I had looked for him on Facebook for years and then about 6 months ago, there he was.  I sent him a friend request, so excited that my years of persistence had paid off.  He accepted my friend request and responded back with a message that seemed as happy to find me as I he.   Everything pretty much went downhill from there.    

We exchanged cell phone numbers so he could call me later and he did.  Did he ask me how I have been for the past 10 years? How my daughter is doing as she was then a child and is now an adult? Did he ask how my parents were doing? Nope.  All he wanted to do was talk about sex.  Here we were 10 minutes into the “conversation” and I am trying to ask him if his parents are still alive and well and he is asking me if I remember our various sexcapades in miniscule detail.  I was really annoyed. I let him have it about his obvious lack of interest in my life and ended the conversation. Shortly thereafter he started texting me pictures of his dick.

The second guy I ran into while out at a club.  Our short relationship had not ended well because after a few dates, I started receiving texts from a girl that claimed to be his wife.  Wanting nothing to do with that I ended it.  When I recently ran into him he asked me for my number to keep in touch.  We were in a really loud club and I was with friends so I decided I would give him my number and deal with getting rid of him later. He texted me and texted me for a date.  While I felt that I was very clear that I would not date him again; he wouldn’t seem to get it.  He asked me to meet him for a drink and I agreed figuring that I could be much more clear about my position (or lack thereof) in person.  We met at a local bar and I was succinct in telling him that it was never going to happen and stated that we had always a good time together and could remain friends.  His response was, “I have enough friends.”  Alrighty then.  Decision made.  I thanked him for the drink, excused myself and went home.  And then he texted me a picture of dick.

Penises are not pretty.  Don’t get me wrong, they are definitely functional and I enjoy them but they are not really the most attractive things in the world.  Does a guy really believe that a picture of his johnson is going to make me forget all of the negative feelings I have for him and make me scream “OH MY GOD, I *MUST* HAVE THAT!!”??  Wow.  Some guys are really dumb.

Perhaps if he wrapped a flower around it or put it into a little penis tuxedo (hopefully not too little) before he took a picture of it that might be ok. It wouldn't make me change my mind but it might make the penis more attractive.  Maybe.  Perhaps if it’s lying on a bed of colorful feathers; or better yet dipped in chocolate?  I’m not really sure  any of that would help; I’m just throwing stuff out there.   

Granted, there are famous penises out there that we have all know and love.  That doesn’t make them attractive, it just makes then famous.  Take for example Michelangelo’s David with his little twig and berries out there for all to admire. Yes, it does look like he just came out of a cold pool to pose for that; but it’s considered art so that’s ok. That being said, please keep in mind that taking a picture of your schlong and texting it to someone is not considered art (in any medium).

 Even vibrator companies know that a penis is not attractive.  That’s why they make them in pretty colors and give them cute little animal names like “The Rabbit”, “The Dolphin” or “The Butterfly”.  

Although I am willing to concede that giving a real penis various vibratory speeds would help to make it more attractive in general.

Opinions please?

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

A new year is supposed to be a time to reflect and renew; a time to be insightful, change and grow. It is a time to pick yourself up off of the bathroom floor and crawl back into your bed while swearing you will never drink again.  See??  Change and growth.

Personally, I find New Year’s resolutions to be entrapment. Essentially, you are setting yourself up for failure (except that you are doing it with great fanfare!).   Why, for example, if I didn’t have the motivation to go to the gym three days ago, do I suddenly have it now? Is it because I got a new calendar? I really want to know where you people are getting your calendars because I bought mine at Big Lots and it doesn’t seem to have the same power.

I think that rather than setting myself up for impending failure, I am going to work into these changes slowly.  One shouldn’t rush into change.  Afterall, it takes 9 months to incubate a baby until it’s ready to come out.  That is a good long time to get used to the idea that you just gave away the next 18+ years of your life.

So while I typically don’t do resolutions, I will agree to consider the following:

1.       I will pull my weights and yoga mat out of the deep recesses of my closet, dust them off and place them in a central location where I can look at them often. This will make me have to pick them up (at least weekly) to clean around them.

2.       I vow to fight with my teenage daughter less.  This one will be easy as she is leaving for college in the fall, insuring that we will fight less after August. 

3.       I will drink more water by adding seltzer to my alcoholic beverages. Hydration is important.

4.       This year I will try to be less cynical. This resolution might be a little bit more difficult than the others, as I am cynical by nature.  I will have to make a plan and start slowly. Maybe I will start with the drycleaners; although dry-cleaning seems like a racket to me so maybe not.

And lastly,

5.       I resolve to begin to consider the fact that it might be possible that I could maybe have a few issues with relationships and men.  I mean, just because I have a tendency to look at every man I meet as a spirit-stealing succubus that is trying to “cage the wild animal” and change everything about me doesn’t necessarily mean I have major issues, does it?  Does the fact that sometimes when I see a hot guy I consider him to be a conquest to be chewed up and spit out (rather than the love of my life) mean that I have issues?  Is it possible that I need to be more open to letting myself fall in love (as opposed to a deep profound like or a very healthy lust)?  I guess I could try to be more open to skipping and twirling in a poppy field with that special someone (and not want to want to stab him in the neck because it drives me insane that he isn’t skipping or twirling right).

I think I will start thinking about these changes tomorrow……or maybe the next day. Hell, I could really wait until spring for that last one since there are no poppy fields in the wintertime anyway. 

One has to work into these things slowly.